Is This Love?

                             
                     
                             Growing up I always heard my grandmother say.....never love who you love always make sure to love who loves you. Translation just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean that they love you as well, however with that person that shows you love you are sure that you have their heart.

                                When she used to say this to me as a kid it seemed so simple. Just go with who shows you that love and affection.........however now that I'm grown I realize that it's far from being that simple. It's no longer easy to tell those that sincerely love and care for you from those that don't . Sincerity is so rare these days that often times you find yourself caught up only to to find yourself being hurt in the end. Often you find yourself asking "Is this really love?"

                                   These days love is not easily defined nor is it easily found. Often it seems like a whole lot of nothing. Before now I've never understood why people sometimes say love is overrated. I do now though. People share this thought because people are no longer sincere with their feelings it seems like there is always a personal agenda be it financial, sexual or just fun ....love no longer means anything to some its just a four letter word and they see nothing wrong with using it while breaking the hearts of others.

                                      To those of us seeking that true love be not discouraged for there is love out there. Love that is sincere and everlasting is out there waiting for us. We must not allow ourselves to be detoured and disheartened by the phonies out there.  We have to keep our heads up and hearts open and we will find it.

                                 

Never Beat Someone With Someone Else's Stick

       I used to hear the old people say; "you never beat someone with someone else's stick" which translates to although someone has wronged you in the past you shouldn't treat others as if they would do the same. Every one is different.

    Just because someone hurt you in the past doesn't mean that you should constantly carry that hurt around with you. What is going to happen is that you are going to meet someone and because you're still walking around in the past so to speak you're going to take out that stick and that person is going to get beat for all of the mess that your previous partner left behind.

           You can't start over if you constantly dwell on the past. The past is the past and although it may be hard you should give your new friend/partner a chance to show you how they feel about you and to prove themselves. I'm not saying completely forget what you went through, however what I am saying is learn from it and push forward.

             Chances are while you are treating that new person with mistrust and holding them at arms length you are going lose out. As human beings we can only take so much and its only a matter of time despite how strongly we may feel for you before we walk away. You would kick yourself if the one that you let get away turns out to be the one that you were looking for all along.

                I personally have been wronged many times in the past but I've never believed in treating my new friend as if he were the one that wronged me. "I believe in the term innocent until proven guilty" therefore I give everyone a fair shake to prove themselves. So far all have failed but I'm going to keep at it until I get it right. I would hate for my Prince Charming to get away because I'm blaming him for something that had nothing at all to do with him.

                   A lot of good people tend to be ignored by us because we continue to dwell in the past but I say its time to put down that stick and give someone new a chance to show you love. You never know, that person may just be the one for you.

Sometimes You Have To Take A Step Back

          Sometimes when you love someone so much  you can see that instead of helping them work through their issues being with you is just creating a bigger strain, you need to take a step back. Its not always easy because you never know how things will end up. The possibility of them never coming back to you is enormous. If you love them though you would give them their space.

             Love is a game that we play  and the odds are often stacked against us but sometimes we have to take that risk and let go. We like to think that because we offer that shoulder to lean on or that listening ear that we are a great comfort to our loved ones but sometimes we make the burden even heavier.We sometimes place those that we loved smack dab in the middle of their issues and us which often leaves them torn and confused. They may say that we aren't crowding them or making things difficult for them but be realistic, often times we know that it is just because they do not want to hurt our feelings.

              I believe if the love that is shared with you and that person is real and is meant to be then he or she will carry that with them and when they are completely healed they will be back. You need to take a step back  and allow them to go through their healing process for only then can you be sure if what is there is real. However before you take a step back make sure that he or she knows that you're still there for them if they need you at least for a time, because we all know that some people try to sucker you.

                 It may be a risk but don't be afraid to let them go for a while for what is meant to be will be.

               

One Door Closes, Another Door Opens

        A friend recently told me that "Just because one door closes, doesn't mean its the end just look around you for you will be sure to find the new door that has opened." Even though this phrase is so cliche it is also so true.

         Things don't always end up as we want it. Be it in our relationships, our jobs or in school. We don't always enjoy the end result, however who is to say its the end of the road? Only we can determine whether we sit down and cry over what we have lost or pick ourselves up and push ahead.

            I was raised to believe that everything happens for a reason. That God has written the plan for our lives before we were even born so he knows what obstacles we are to face however,how we get over them is completely up to us and our faith in him.


            To often we sit down and plan out our lives not keeping in mind that what we want may not be in Gods big plan for us. So when that man/woman in our lives turns out not to be the right one we want to give up on love all together forgetting that the right person that God has for us is still out there. Sometimes he or she is right there but we are so caught up in the past that we bypass them completely. When we get fired from that job we worked so hard on we act as if the world has come to an end disregarding the fact that there may be a better job out there for us all we have to do is look around .

         Everyone encounters that moment when it becomes necessary to let go of the past and look to the future it may be hard but it is necessary. If we continue to cling to what could have been we will lose out on what is meant to be. You can't live your life filled with regrets from the past so always look for that open door and walk right through it.

           

           

         

Speak Out (Who is to blame?)

             There is something seriously wrong with society today when even the children are not safe. There are people out there that have so much evil in their hearts that they think nothing of harming our little darlings.
How could a father molest and kill his own two year son? How can a man kill his mother then walk into an elementary/primary school and kill twenty, five and six year olds? The sane among us sit and wonder "What the hell are we coming to?"

                  Americans say that America has gone crazy, Bahamians say the Bahamas has gone crazy and I'm sure that when kids are harmed in other countries they say the same. But it is not just an American or Bahamian thing that is happening. Injustices against children are happening every day in the majority if not all of the countries around the world. Truth is the whole world has gone crazy and has turned it's back on our precious babies.

                    The thing about human beings is that we too like to play the blame game. We blame the politicians, we blame the church, we blame the schools but the last place we ever place any blame is on ourselves.What do we expect to happen when we sit back and allow a twenty plus year old man to carry on a relationship with a 14 year old and to get her pregnant. This right here should never have been allowed to happen. I know sometimes kids sneak around but from the day you as a parent found out who she was pregnant for charges should have been filed and he should have been arrested. Obviously he is a child molester, that girl wasn't even close to the age of consent. The child is now here and Daddy is allowed to babysit at times. Two years later the boy is dead and evidence of molestation is found and all of this happened while in the molester... oops sorry Daddy's care. Who can we blame people? He molested mommy for shes is now only 15 years old why did we feel that it was safe for him to have unsupervised visits. That man was supposed to be incarcerated two years ago....now hes incarcerated but an innocent child is dead and this could have been avoided if we had just done it the right way from the beginning. The parents/guardians of that girl have no one to blame but themselves. In fact the whole community is responsible.

                 
                               In Sandy Hook Connecticut  a young man armed with assault guns found in his home marched into an elementary school and shot 20 little angels. I cried that day even though I did not know any of those kids, it was the idea of a grown man deciding that those children didn't need to live before their lives even started that bothered me the most. Who dropped the ball on this one? Was it the  U.S. government with their slack gun laws? Was it the mother who owned the guns and took him to the range? Or was it Daddy dearest that left his child with an unstable woman because obviously to have assault weapons in her home her mental health can be questioned. I vote for all of the above. As humans we have to learn to take responsibility for all of the things that we do and accept the consequences. Twenty angels are dead because all of these people dropped the ball.

                               Like I mentioned earlier injustices against children is a problem all over the world. In the middle East children are sold as slaves and used  as prostitutes. In some countries they are trained to be soldiers and placed in the front line where they act as shields for the adults. Children are so innocent and instead of us playing the blame game or acting as if we don't see the crimes against them lets speak out. Let us do the humane thing and report what we can to the proper authorities and work towards keeping our children safe. They can't defend themselves so let us do it for them and then maybe there won't be a dead two year old boy molested and killed by his father or 20 dead five and  six year olds.


 

                         

Life is to Important!

              Never in all my 27+  years on this earth have I  seen so many suicides or attempted suicides  here in The Bahamas as I have recently. It may seem a little bit harsh but I have to say this to those of you that feel like things are so bad that you can't bare to go on and you want to take your own life I have to say.....STOP BEING SO SELFISH AND HAVE SOME LOVE FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY. If  God didn't love you and have a propose for you then you wouldn't be here and there are people in your life that love you  that would be badly hurt because you so selfishly took your own life.

               So many children out there  are forced to grow up with out a mother or father just because their parents/parents were so selfish that they could not see past their own grief and troubles. When the death is being reported people always come on and tell the reporters that he or she was depressed because they were out of a job or the bills kept piling up. People that knew the dead person  never forget to talk about how dedicated they were to their family. Like really you're dedicated? Isn't it going to be harder for your kids if your're not around? Who  is going to raise them? Who is going to help the family member that is left? Everything we do affects those around us. It is selfish of us to only think about ourselves and the pain that we are feeling.

             
                  Now a days even the teenagers are trying to kill themselves. Your life hasn't even started yet  why would you be so anxious to end it. I know life is not always easy for some of them but to take
your own life when you don't even know what God has in store for you yet is just to sad. To that young lady that tried to take her life because a guy broke her heart, all I can say to that is how in the world could you lower yourself  to the extent that being with a guy means more to you than  you living your life and achieving your dreams?

                     We as human beings need to realize our self worth. To often we base our happiness on the opinion of others or on being with someone. We are all precious gems hand crafted by God, created with a purpose that only him can reveal. God created us in his likeness, he sent his son to die for us so that we may live. He is our refuge in times of storm. I pity those of you that instead of turning to him for help feel like you have to take  matters into your own hands. Though we may be stressed and feel unloved or like the world is against us it  is never so. God is always walking besides us but we have to learn to turn to him. He can't help us if we don't let him in. I'm been down before. I've been tired and there was a time when I couldn't see my way out but I trusted him and he lifted me up. Life was never promised to be easy but put your hand in his and then you will realize just how much life has to offer you and trust me you will want to stick around.


Word to the wise love yourself so much that your life becomes to valuable to take away. Don't ever let the problems win. Don't give up on life until it gives up on you.

Forgive for You

     Usually I write down in my book what I have to say before I blog so as to avoid being all over the place  but today I'm just going to write directly on my blog so forgive me if  I'm a little bit mixed up.


    Over the last few years I have been making peace with myself and those that have wronged me in the past and I can say what a refreshing experience it is to be able to let go of all of that baggage and move on. I now have better relationships with most of those people especially my father. We communicate more and although he is still stingy and still can't remember my birthday I found that when I forgave all of the wrong that he did to me I was able to actually find something in him that I love.

       I was able to do it but it is not always that easy for some people because what they have gone through is so extreme that the scars can linger for a long time. Many people are scarred for life by those around them that are supposed to love and protect them.There are people out there that have had their innocence ripped away from them as children. They had to endure the pain alone for there was no one there to hear them cry for help .

         It's not easy to forgive an uncle or cousin that raped you. Its not easy to forgive a mother or father that neglected you or abused you.Its not easy to forgive that parent, grandparent or friend  that knew what was going on yet they sat down  and did nothing about it because they didn't want to bring shame on the family. The only shame was it being allowed to go on for so long without the law being notified. It's not easy to forgive our wrongdoers but it is NECESSARY for you for your well being .


           I would like to take a page from Tyler Perry. Forgiveness is a common theme discussed in his plays and his movies. In Madea Goes to Jail a character says "when we don't forgive people we give them power over our life....they get to sleep at night while we walk around remembering everything that they have done." They have no worries for most of the time those that have wronged us refuse to even acknowledge it, so no matter what they do they still have done nothing wrong. The character goes on to say "The longer you hold on to the pain and the past, the longer you keep yourself from being free." This is so true for you can never shake your burden if you don't move on and the only way to move on is by forgiving those that have wronged you. When you carry burdens for to long you begin to find ways to try and bury the pain and often times what you find often lead to even more hurt and sometimes worst; death. It is necessary to forgive because this is the only way that you can help y

             Tyler Perry himself says "If you have all of this unforgiveness in your heart for situations it can sit inside of you and make you become someone else." When you've been affected by certain circumstances forgiveness is the way to get rid of all of that anger that you have. I'm not saying it will be easy but like I said and I will keep saying ....it is necessary. Your survival and peace of mind depends on it.



           I will never tell you that the road to forgiveness is an easy one but I can tell you that you should not attempt it alone. Always take Gods word with you.With prayer, your Bible and  a willing heart you can put all things behind you and move forward. Don't let the pain from the past define who you will be in the present, don't let it make you bitter and hateful. Instead take the past file it away in lessons learnt, hold your head up, smile and move towards your goal for although your wings have been broken with forgiveness you can soar again.

                 
           

Adam & Eve

In the beginning there was Adam and Eve.....


           God made Eve from Adams rib therefore they were two parts of a whole. Eve loved Adam so much that she wanted to share everything with him, hence her offering him the fruit  of the tree of knowledge. Also Adam  loved Eve so much that he was willing to disobey God for her.

       In 21st century terms every man out there has a woman that has been made and designed for him and the same goes for every woman there is a man out there just for her. However it is not always easy for them to find each other.

         With that said men if you find yourself with a woman that makes your life miserable and doesn't appreciate you, do not waste your time and for heaven sake do not marry her for that is not who God has for you. I'm so tired of seeing people trapped in an unhappy marriage because they went out and married the first thing they fell for.  She is definitely not your Eve. Likewise women if a man mistreats you, abuses you and makes you cry he is not your Adam.

           Keep in mind guys and gals that no one in their right mind abuses and mistreats themselves and and if you are a part of them that makes you one. The Bible tells you that when a man and woman marries that they become one but don't wait until you've already committed yourself in marriage to realize that you got the wrong one. Observe the signs, they are usually there from the beginning. Find that person that completes you, do not settle until you've found your Adam/Eve.


          The goal in life when it comes to love is to live happily ever after or as close to it as we can get, for no one is perfect. We can not accomplish this if we are involved with the wrong person. To often we don't realize what I call the Adam and Eve complex and we end up in divorce court...this is seen in the countless amounts of marriages that the celebrities that we admire so much run in and out. We should not model our lives around them but instead seek to find that person that we share a rib with.  I haven't found my soul mate yet but I refuse to settle for less than a man that who lives to see a smile on my face. That man is my Adam.





    

It's The Little Things That Count!

            This is food for thought boys and girls!

    As human beings we place so much emphasis on material things in a relationship that  we forget all about the relationship itself  and exactly what being in a real relationship and in love means.

      

               Take Valentines Day for example very few ladies do not anticipate this day. They know that this is the day that they will receive those big basket filled with loads of cheap goods that cost men more than they are worth. This is also the day when they are taken out to the most expensive restaurants and wined and dined never mind that homeboy may not be able to afford it. There were a lot of women depressed or angry because they weren't the recipients of such pleasures. With this being said I ask  this question "What is the big deal?" I see nothing wrong with receiving gifts but why do we make it mandatory for our men to dig so deep in their pockets just to please our egos knowing full well that in this day and time so many of them cannot afford it. Is it because we define love by the material things that we get?

                     Personally I appreciate the little things. I adore having my feet rubbed or dinner cooked for me or even having my guy clean the house so that I have one less thing to worry about. As women we should not put so much pressure on our men just so we can brag about what we got to our friends or post pictures up on some social network. Being in a relationship and in love means so much more than this it means doing things for each other that matter and come from the heart .

                      I am just going to put this little piece in for the guys because some of you only try to show love on Valentines Day. I don't know if it is because you feel to macho or you're just clueless as to what it is that you are suppose to be doing but let me educate you. Gift giving , dinner dates and other romantic gestures are not only for Valentines Day. Love should be shown all year round. Everyday you should tell your woman that you love her, tell her that she is beautiful and show her that she is the most important thing in your life. This is needed, she should never have to guess. Its the little things that you do that keeps the relationship going. I know as a woman, I appreciate those surprise phone calls in the middle of the day just because, or those kit kats and bounty's because he knows that I have a huge sweet tooth. Love your woman all year round.

            

                  Now ladies back to you why is it that only the guys are expected to pull off the romantic gestures? Get off your butts and make your man feel special. Send him a gift, rub his feet, treat him to dinner. Make it about him sometimes...it should not always be about you.  It should not always be about what you want.

                     Finally I say showing love does not always have to be expensive... think about little things that you can do together. A picnic under the stars in the back yard, movie night at home, giving each other massages, a candle lite dinner at home, hand written love notes left around the house and in clothing are a few things that can be done. Take a page from Alicia Keys song"If I ain't got you" shes says she doesn't want all of the money and the gifts all she wants is to be with her guy. Remember if it is true love the material things are just bonuses that you can do without, its the love and the little things that count.

                    

                         

Try and Try Again

"Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you can find your prince>" This is one of my favourite quotes even though I don't know who to give credit for it. To the guys I like to inject my own quote "Sometimes you have to kiss a few swans in order to find your princess." (  Yes I love fairy tales)

                    Just recently on my Facebook page I've noticed a lot of my friends male and female seem to have given up on this game we call love. Their common cry is that they are tired of constantly ending up in dead end relationships that eventually end as quickly as they started. I don't think many of them realize that a good and lasting relationship just like anything else in life has to be worked on. Being in a relationship is hard and maintaining a good and happy relationship is even harder. It requires work from both parties involved. If only one side is working then that is not a relationship and everyone involved should just walk away.

Instead of us getting all depressed and crying over what we know couldn't work out in the first place or saying stupid things like "I'll never date again", we should consider every failed relationship  to be a learning experience. Every person that has come into and walked out (or had to be thrown out of our  lives) were sent to teach us something, now what we learnt is up to us.

Its is easier to say learn from your past than to actually do it but in order for the healing to begin we have to learn and let go! If we don't learn then we set ourselves up to make the same mistakes over and over again...failure would be the only option in this case. So if you find yourself at the end of a failed relationship don't cry, don't dwell on it pick yourself up and give yourself some me time. In this me time you figure out what went wrong, what could have been done differently (if anything) and what you really want out of a relationship. If you know what you want before hand then you know what to embrace and what to avoid.

So instead of giving up and trying to bury yourself in the sand after a breakup try to learn, heal and move on all in that order. Don't rush it now because I know some people two weeks later they dating again. Really give yourself time to heal and then attempt to get back in the car (model of your choice). In my Madea voice "sometimes God sends you the bad so that you may appreciate the good". I'm still waiting on my good and I don't mind kissing a few frogs until I find him....its just a part of life!